"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi


So far today, I've seen a guy in hotpants, and a teacher carrying a bag of Heineken... I'm still getting used to this whole college thing.

We're reading Huckleberry Finn in English, and I forgot how much that book makes me laugh.
"After supper she got out her book and learned me about Moses and the Bulrushers; and I was in a sweat to find out all about him; but by-and-by she let it out that Moses had been dead a considerable long time; so then I didn't care no more about him; because I don't take no stock in dead people."

I don't know if that makes anyone else laugh out loud, but pretty sure I laughed hard enough to bring tears to my eyes.

I'm seriously considering going back to bed, because I finished my studying for the rest of the classes I have today, but I've been told by a considerable many people that heading back to bed after I've already woken up once is a fairly bad practice, ,so I'll take their word for it.

Now it's my time to complain.
I've had about enough of my hatred Linguistics TA, Amanda, or whatever her name is. Common decency is lost on the girl. I smiled at her, just to be nice, as I was picking up papers to take back to my group, and she gave me this semi-disgusted smirk in return, rolling her eyes behind her ill-fitting glasses. Well, I just about lit her up one side and down the other for the unneccessary rudeness, but considering my grade in that class is partly decided by her and her hatred quizzes, I just turned around and walked away. I guess I'll try again on Wednesday. After all, I'm supposed to be a light to people, and like someone once told me, if you're easily irritated, you give up too fast, and you can't reach anyone like that.

Someone told me recently that I roll my eyes a lot. I would like to know if that's true, but it's incredibly hard to watch yourself roll your eyes. I've tried.

I have this sudden desire to go snowboarding...

So I'm a little random this morning, but that's fine with me. I'm in a Ferris Bueller mood, and therefore, structure is wasted on me today.

I woke up to the Hallelujah chorus this morning, and now it's stuck in my head. Of all songs to be stuck in one's head, I have the one with multiple parts going on at the same time. Sometimes I amaze myself at how complicated I can make my inner monologue.

And I've never felt this way before... And I swear, it's the truth... and I owe it all to you...

I've been watching Dirty Dancing, can you tell?

Today hasn't been the best day ever... i woke up late, tripped over EVERYTHING in such a rush this morning, couldn't find a seat in class, didn't have time for breakfast, my phone wouldn't get service, I have a total B*TCH in my group for Linguistics... I have a Ling. quiz on Friday that I so don't even KNOW how to study for, I have to go buy scantrons today, and It took me about half an hour to find my sports bra.

Callie and I are actually getting along now. We still have a meeting with Lindsey tomorrow, but i think we'll be able to work everything out. I hope we'll be able to work everything out. I don't want to have a roommate that I hate.

I need more pictures to put up in my room.

I'm tired, and there's a CSI marathon on, but I'm getting up off my butt to go jog. I'm proud of myself.

Of course, I'll be regretting it in a little while... my knees will start to hurt, and the sun will be in my eyes, and I'll be wondering, why didn't I just stay inside with my frosted flakes? *sigh*
And the answer to that is, because I need the exercise.

I hate being motivated.

I LOVE YOU, JONATHAN!!
Tell Andrew I said, Hi.

Jess

Jon and I got into another fight this evening..

He told me that I'm insensitive, and so I told him he was overly sensitive. And when we hung up the phone tonight, he didn't take it back. It really hurt. I'm not mad at him anymore... just really hurt. I know I hurt his feelings too, but he doesn't understand. It feels like I don't have anyone here with me. Being apathetic towards things is the only way I get through my days. If I don't ignore how i'm feeling, I'll just burst into tears like I did the other day, and I don't like being a crier.

I hate fighting with him... I love him so much, but I don't understand why we fight so constantly. I just don't get it.

I thought they were over. I could have sworn they were over... I just don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to cry myself to sleep every night, praying that we'll be okay when I wake up. We had such a fantastic time this weekend, too. And now I'm sitting here thinking, is it not enough? How do we have such a great time together and the good feelings just wear off overnight? I just want us to be okay again. Really. that's all I want.

Let's Be Us Again: Lonestar

Tell me what I have to do tonight
Cause I'd do anything to make it right
Let's be us again
I'm sorry for the way I lost my head
I dont why I said the things I said
Lets be us again

Here I stand with everything to lose
All I know is I dont wanna ever see the end
Baby please, I'm reachin out for you
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in
Lets be us again
Us again

Look at me Im way past pride
Isn't there some way that we can try
To be us again
Even if it takes a while
I'll wait right here until I see that smile
That says we're us again

Here I stand with everything to lose
All I know is I dont wanna ever see the end
Baby please, I'm reachin out for you
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in
Lets be us again
Us again






It's pretty sad when a guy you've only met once can tell that there's something seriously wrong with you..

I got off the couch in the commons after I hung up with Jon, and I saw a guy I worship with on Wednesday nights sitting not 2 feet down from me. I shook his hand, and he immediately asked me if i was okay, and if there was anything he could do to help me out. He's such a sweetheart.

Speaking of sweethearts, Ann let me cry on her shoulder tonight before Silver Taps. Funny how it was exactly what I needed. She just held me and let me cry, and told me that it was okay to be emotional... I don't usually cry in front of people, but I had just gotten off the phone with Jon, and I was so worked up over missing him and wanting to yell, sleep, run away, and cry at the same time. Ann said to call her whenever I need to, and I know I'll be taking her up on that.

This whole entry is depressing, and I'm sorry.

Good news: I did find some dresses online that might be okay for Jon's prom.

gtg study.

Jess

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. 

Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.

Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Being happy doesn't mean that everything's perfect, it just means that you've decided to look past the imperfections.

"It's not what we do, but also what we do not do for which we are accountable." Moliere

Reality is for those who don't have an imagination.

Remember....if the world didn't suck, we'd fall off of it.

It's raining, and cold, and I miss Jonathan. I don't think he knows how much I wish he was here with me. I'm going to Wal*Mart in a couple minutes, and all I can think about is how I wish he could go with me, even though I know he hates it. I don't like going shopping by myself. I don't WANT to go shopping by myself. I can't buy Pepsi without thinking about how we both like it. And inevitably, as I pass by the Pepsi, I pass by the orange and grape soda that he and Andrew guzzle... I keep thinking about the night a while back when we ordered in Chinese food and sat in front of the TV watching Law and Order SVU. I don't care if whoever's reading this thinks it's stupid, because it was the most fun I've had in a long time. This past weekend we went to the animal shelter and looked at the puppies. It was so sweet.. it just felt so natural; going out and looking at dogs... He's turned me into a romantic. gtg to wal*mart. peace out, homies. Jess

 

So I know I promised a lot of people that I would publish a blog last night... I lied.  I'm sorry, but I was just so tired that I crashed on my bed in order to be ready for my 8 o' clock classes this morning. 

I had a revelation yesterday; one that I think really changed my life.  For a long time, my relationship with God had been a lot like that song by the Gin Blossoms: 

"Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down.  Any place but those I know by heart.  Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down... I'll follow you down but not that far..."

And to tell you the truth, when I realized that that's how I've been acting in my relationship with God, I was so ashamed of myself.  A long time ago, I thought that I had committed everything to Him, but now I'm realizing that I was being conditional; wanting God to play on MY terms.  Then yesterday it hit me.  What if I died right now, and whenever I arrived at the gates on Judgement Day, God said to me, "You only followed as far as YOU wanted to go.  I don't play by your rules.  Either I was Lord of your life or I wasn't." and banished me from His presence, how horrible would I feel when I knew that I could have been in heaven if it weren't for MY conditions?  So as of yesterday, I'm following God's rules.  It's SUCH A GOOD FEELING!!

If you haven't tried it, I recommend it.

So about my day:

So I set my alarm clock this morning and actually woke up... shock of all shocks.  I am right now, taking all of my pills and vitamins that I have been admonished to ingest daily.

Then I went to class.

English: OMW!! Our professor looks, sounds, and acts EXACTLY like  my Uncle Tim.  He has a strong attachment to Huckleberry Finn, a strong dislike for cell phones and technology in general, and made the 50 minute class go by quite quickly.  He did however, assign a ton of stupid poems to read before Wednesday, which I am not too happy about, considering I'm not all that much of a "poem person."  I did go up after class and introduce myself, just to kind of make a connection.  Fortunately, he also requested that we write an introductory letter to him about our familiarity with literature and the texts we will be covering, and wants us to individualize ourselves as much as possible.  (I think I'll include that I read at 800wpm with 95% comprehension.  What other fact could make me stand out more?)  I have a seat on the third row, about the middle. 

Linguistics: So I thought this class was going to be a pain in the butt, but it actually sounds like it's going to be pretty fun.  Our professor divided us up into "caucuses" (is that spelled right?) like, "English major high school teachers"  and "Anthropology majors."  REALLY GOOD NEWS: Ashley Lloyd, a girl who was a junior my freshman year and was in band with me, is in my Linguistics class, and we kind of just picked up where we left off, and we're getting along great.  The bad news: the prof put our caucus in the back of the freaking classroom, so we have to strain to hear her.  Not good times, let me tell you. 

So I'm tired, and I'm going to relax before I have to go read all my stupid poems...

Love you!!
Jess